Speaking of Legacies

Today is April 4th. My youngest child was born today. Giving birth to my daughter was the first time I experienced true happiness. Don’t get me wrong, there were many times before she was born that I was happy but none compared to that day thirty-three years ago.

Giving birth to three sons first was delightful and rewarding but I always felt they would be more their father’s child than mine. I could make smart-looking and clever outfits for my sons but it was not the same as smocking a dress or black patented leather Mary Jane shoes with little white lace-trimmed socks.

My sons tease me saying I must have put a bowl on their heads and trimmed off the excess hair. But my daughter’s long wavy hair was combed and brushed until it shined and then she would sit patiently as I French braided it. I was a lucky woman to have that opportunity. And now I get to watch her with her two daughters caring for them with all the same love and care she learned from watching me. I must add here that my two sons who are fathers are remarkable men caring for their children with an abundance of love that they also learned from their father and me.

There is a tornado watch and thunderstorm warning right now. The wind is so fierce that the trees sound like waves on the ocean crashing onto the beach. If you’ve ever been to Atlantic Beach in North Carolina and tried to carry on a conversation you know what I mean.

The pine trees are over four stories high and are swaying right to left and round and round. It reminds me of life moving constantly not unlike our hearts beating. As I think about my daughter celebrating her birthday today, life goes on. I gave birth to her and now she’s a grown woman giving birth to her own girls and one day her daughters will give birth. The cycle goes round and round just as the pine trees in the wind.

We can only give what we have in our hearts. At the root is love and without love there is no life. And life does go on, one legacy after another.

Footnote: Speaking of legacies, I was born on the birthday of one of America’s great leaders, Martin Luther King. My daughter Jennifer was born on the anniversary of his death.

Taking Care of Business

What is it about newborn babies that brings out the best in people? I think it is the way they smell. Or maybe the soft skin or maybe it’s the fact that they have their whole lives ahead of them that makes us feel so good.

I spent two weeks with my daughter Jennifer and her family after the birth of her second daughter Emery Kate Swing on February 1, 2011. Jennifer thought Emery would be easy to say along with her big sister Lexi which is short for Alexandra. Nobody ever calls Lexi Alexandra. And Lexi does not call herself Lexi. She calls herself Lou Lou. But Jennifer spells is Loo Loo and others have spelled it Lu Lu. But it doesn’t matter. If a stranger asked Lexi what her name is, she says, “Lou Lou.” And so far, no one has called Emery by her first name only. We all say, “Emery Kate.”

Babies change so quickly. I wanted to remember the way Emery Kate smelled and the sweet softness of her cheeks and forehead when I kissed her. I wanted to remember the way she sounded when her mother nursed her as if all the world was right. I wanted to keep the picture of her big sister kissing the top of her head and gently patting her tummy when her daddy held his two girls on the couch.

Every night Kevin would come in and build a fire in the living room. In between washing clothes and dishes, and helping Kevin with dinner (Jennifer doesn’t cook) and taking care of Lexi, most of my days are a blur. It was hard on Lexi, not to have a new baby in the house, but to not be in school anymore (no more daycare with mom home now); and not to have mommy lift and carry her (Jen had a c-section and so could not lift Lexi); and so she struggled with emotions that at times none of seemed to know what to do.

One day she and I drove to the train station and went downtown to the library for storytime. She loved it. For a few hours she was the center of my attention and for a few hours I had a glimpse of the precious granddaughter that is so quick to say “I love you Mimi.” I was only sad once during my stay in Charlotte. When Jennifer’s incision seemed to be not healing as it should, I drove her to the doctor’s office. Instead of dragging both girls inside, I drove around town for a while and then picked Jennifer up later when she finished. As we passed up KinderCare, Lexi’s daycare, she saw it and pointed to it saying, “There’s my school.” Jennifer looked back at her and asked her if she missed her friends, and she said yes. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her look off into the distance and then she said, “Do my friends miss me?” Not quite three and her whole world has changed. But she is strong and young and a blessing to her parents who like her newborn sister is a miracle thanks to Jennifer’s difficulties in getting pregnant.

And so I left my daughter and family, but not after drowning her in advice in between all the other chores. I told her that when I left they would either miss me or sing, “the wicked witch is dead.” But it didn’t matter because in the wee hours of the morning when I rocked the baby to sleep while the rest of the house was quiet, I said my prayers and blessed them with courage to live their lives the way God intends them to live and be the people they are meant to be. What more could I want?

Stay the Course

“Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee….” -- St. Augustine

One of my favorite scenes in the movie Driving Miss Daisy is the one where Morgan Freeman’s character, Hoke, is driving Miss Daisy (Jessica Tandy) to the Piggly Wiggly grocery store. He turns and she says something like, “You’re doing it wrong.” For he was not going to the store the same way she was used to going. They argued the whole way to the store but in the end they made it.

I had a similar experience with my granddaughter Paige the other day. I picked her up from school and headed to a local restaurant to meet her mother and other grandparents as they and other members of their family gathered after the funeral of Paige’s Uncle Charles. Her mother had given me directions from Paige’s school.

However, I asked Paige if she remembered where this place was and she indeed did. She said, “You go through the park (Chickamauga National Park) and the restaurant in on your right.”

I said, “Well, we are not going through the park. We are coming from the other direction.” But she insisted her way was the only way. I said, “But Paige, that’s the way you do it when you are coming from your Grandma and Papaw’s house. We are coming from your school.”

It still didn’t seem to sink in. She got silent and as I turned left toward the park and the restaurant, Paige said, “Or you could do it this way.” I glanced at her in my rear view mirror and saw the smile on her face and realized we had come to an agreement. After all our goal was the restaurant, not the route we took to get there. And in her mind, it didn’t matter that my way was the wrong way as long as I got her to her mother and family.

I laughed until I cried at the joy of realizing how important it is to the stay the course. All of us make wrong turns; doing or saying something we probably should not have said; having negative thoughts that impair our right thinking. When that happens to me, I remind myself that the path I’m on belongs to God, not me. I am confident in my own destiny because my life is God’s life in me. I am on the right course.

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.” – Galatians 5:22

Seeing With Clear Vision – January 30, 2011

Recognizing God’s Truth

“I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard.” – Mother Teresa

I guess if someone asked me who my hero was, I’d have to say Mother Teresa. Not because she did good works but because she had the ability to look at people and see God and do so without thinking about it. She was able to live her life in service and humility as if it were the natural thing to do. Led by her belief in God, she knew what to do before being told.

I had a professor at Salem College in Winston-Salem, North Carolina whose lectures turned me into a sponge as I soaked up every word he said. But gradually I came to realize that the things he said or taught, I already knew before he said it. At first it frightened me, but when I questioned him he told me that I already knew the answers, but that I wasn’t ready to hear them in my heart.

Having this knowledge was powerful. To know that inside my being is a wealth of knowledge just waiting for me to recognize as God’s truth and then be called to act upon it without hesitation is transforming. And doing what God calls me to do means that I will know what to do and when to do it, not unlike my hero, Mother Teresa. Now, I may not be treating the sick in a leaper’s colony, but just as Mother Teresa did not see the scars and scabs of the disease of her patients; instead she saw Jesus, I too can choose to look at another and see the face of God.

Each morning I recite a 10-step Tai Chi called “new forest tai chi” by John Bright-Frey. Number Four is CORE – being strong, solid, and sturdy. I add that I have at my core God (and I place my right hand over the center of my chest) and that I center my life in Jesus Christ therefore I lead a balanced life (and I spread my arms wide.) Reminding myself each day that I’m strong and can do whatever I want to do and know that I have the power within me to know what to do before I’m told is recognizing God’s truth.

“and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” – John 8:32

Seeing With Clear Vision; January 27, 2011

Realizing Your Purpose

“Creativity is not something you wait for. It is something that waits for you.” – Neale Donald Walsh

When I was fourteen years old, my Cadette Girl Scout Troop took a bus trip from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Petite Jean State Park in Arkansas. We had worked hard selling our Girl Scout cookies and made enough money so that our parents didn’t have to foot the complete bill for the trip. Interstate highways were few and far between. So we made the trip north along state highways slowing down as we passed through towns. Somewhere in north Louisiana, we stopped for snacks at a gas station. Inside we purchased snacks, drinks, magazines and paperback books. I picked up a mystery novel by Phyllis A. Whitney. By the time I reached the state park, I had finished the book. And planted in my heart was the desire to be a writer.

The other day I picked up a local magazine that I found interesting, enjoyable to read, and well-done. I immediately felt the pull to write for this magazine, but as usual, fear of rejection crept up and put the procrastinator bug in my mind. The magazine sat for weeks on my desk. Then I remembered that when I am called to do something that appears too large, I need to trust God. I realized the editor of the magazine would never know I was interested in writing for him, if I didn’t let him know. So I typed up an inquiry and hit the send button on my computer.

Being pulled to do what I love should not be a problem; it should be a gift. Listening to what God wants me to do is a joy and with God as my guide, I am successful. For today, I received a response from the editor who is interested in the possibility of my contributing some articles for the magazine and thanked me for my inquiry. He is looking forward to seeing some of my past articles from other magazines and newspapers.

I may not be writing mystery novels or making mega bucks for the work I’ve already published, but being able to put my words down on paper and feel a sense of accomplishment that I have a purpose is a pretty darn good feeling. I realize my purpose and I claim my good.

“You shall be successful.” – Joshua 1:8


Seeing With Clear Vision – January 26, 2011

The Light of Love

“Our obligation is to give meaning to life and in doing so to overcome the passive, indifferent life.” – Elie Wiesel

I was feeling pretty good about things yesterday. I realized that it was the sun. It has been so long since I felt its warmth. I actually had to roll the windows down (well at least part-way!) Waiting in the carpool line I was even disappointed that I got to my granddaughter’s school early enough to be facing away from the sun and not into the sun. Any other time, I’d be grateful, but not yesterday.

Then while listening to the national news at the top of the hour, I heard about the frigid weather hitting our nation’s capital that even the beltway around Washington D. C. had been shut down. After a week of being snowed in earlier this month, I can sympathize with their situation, but I must admit, I did feel more than a little grateful that it was them and not me.

What happens when the sunshine breaks through the clouds and lifts our spirits? In many ways it is like the light of God’s love which is always present even at times when we don’t know it. A dear friend sent me an email yesterday thanking me for making her day a little better. Because of the rain in her part of the country she had not been able to go outside and work in her garden. Instead she had remained inside forcing her to think about things that were not particularly productive. Worry over an acquaintance struggling with life’s problems was heavy on her heart. But in time she and her husband came up with some solutions to help the friend. It may have a dreary day outside, but inside her warm home and within her heart the light of God’s love continued to shine.

I am reminded of the Festival Lights celebrated at Hanukkah whose message is that the eternal light shines in the life of each of us, even in times that seem darkest. No matter what is going on in my life, I can remember the truth that the light of Spirit is shining in our lives.

My joy in feeling the warmth of the sunshine is a reflection of the warmth I feel for my friend. And if something I said or did helped her in some way or gave meaning to an experience she was feeling, then I thank God for that opportunity. It is after all, what we are called to do – to live in goodness and love.

“You are the light of the world.” -- Matthew 5:14

Seeing With Clear Vision – January 25, 2011

Just Breathe

“When we have learned to use it, the breath becomes a support for awareness.” – Jack Kornfield

Last night I dreamed I lived in a one-room apartment in a big city. There was no roof on the apartment. I was lying in bed with my husband and looking at the wide open night sky watching the stars, the planes going by and the twinkling of lights on the tall buildings surrounding the apartment. The noise was terrible but the screaming coming from the next apartment is what I found most disturbing. And then I realized it was my son and the screams were real.

Before my husband and I could question why our son was screaming from the first floor of his home, I heard the screams of his wife calling to me, “Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.” I flew down the stairs to find our grandson choking on the mucus from his cough and shaking and burning up with fever. I’m not sure if they handed him to me or I took him out of their arms but the maternal instinct in me kicked in and I suddenly found myself holding my grandson who was struggling to breathe.

My first inclination was to bring the fever down so I ordered (yes ordered) my husband into the shower, and he did as I said. But I realized what I needed to do is calm the baby down and stop the shaking and crying. I sat down on the bench at the foot of my son’s bed and laid Hayden across my lap on his stomach. My son called 911, my husband got out of the wet clothes from standing in the shower and brought my daughter-in-law a cool washrag which she used to gently bath the baby’s head. We all took a deep breath and watched as Hayden’s sobs turned to heavy breathing to peaceful breathing as I rubbed his back and we whispered comforting words. Finally asleep, the EMS arrived and whisked him and his mother off to T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital. Two hours later we were home and all is well. Hayden will be fine thanks to the quick action of his parents, his grandparents, the EMS and the staff at the hospital.

Driving back home, I got to thinking about my dream of being surrounded in the chaos of the city noise and then waking to the chaos of my grandson struggling to breathe and that quiet strength that gave me the power to be present in my grandson’s life. At the center of my being is peace because my center and source is God. Surrounded by the presence of God, all of us in the room felt supported and aware of the peace of God. It is all good.

“The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -- Philippians 4:7

Seeing With Clear Vision – January 24, 2011